Graveyards Again – and Feng Shui

I was startled to read about the rumpus over a new graveyard in the East Midlands. The authorities are insisting that all graves point towards Mecca – to satisfy the projected 15% Muslim occupancy. There’s nothing wrong with that I reckoned, until the article informed me that this would offend Christians who like to be buried with their feet pointing East (in anticipation of the second coming of Christ). Now this came as a surprise to me as I didn’t think it mattered in which direction a grave pointed. I grabbed the compass from the wife’s car (yes, she does need directional assistance from time to time) and hurried to the village churchyard. Lo and behold, all the occupants had their feet pointing due East. I learn something new every day.

Talking about directional assistance, business was slow at the end of last week, so much so in fact that I started to think about moving the office furniture around. The Chinese directional system of Feng Shui came to mind and a little quiet research showed me that my humble workplace fails on several counts:

I currently sit with my back to a window. Feng Shui stipulates that you should always sit with your back to a solid wall - to ensure that you have support in your life.

The office photocopier is situated at the office entrance. Feng Shui rules say that this is wrong – the heat generated causes bad vibes (chi) to people entering and leaving.

My desk has papers on it. Ouch! Feng Shui expects pristine, clean work areas.

I need a proper “wealth area” where I keep my paying-in book and PDQ machine. It would probably be a good idea to stick some coins on the PDQ machine to attract more custom.

I also need a water fountain, a fishtank, a Dragon and a three-legged Toad God. Oh heck - one thing at a time, please. I’ll move my desk first. With any luck I won’t need the three-legged Toad God until after Christmas.