Rats, Weasels and Baseball Hats

The general intention of this particular piece was to have a little rant about weasels - the little baseball-hat-wearing men who only seem ever to get out of their cars (usually rather aged but “done up” Citroen Saxos, small Peugeots or the like) in Halfords car park. Here they fix extravagant new spoilers, exhausts or wheel enhancers to their precious vehicles while not forgetting to not turn down the vehicle’s ample music system.

I was going moan about their overtaking techniques, the way they shoot through the village at about 70 mph when schoolchildren are making making their way to the bus stop (and when the ranter-in-chief is out collecting his morning papers). But I’ll spare you all that, gentle reader, for there are more important issues to deal with.

You see I’m “disenfranchised” and won’t be going to vote next month due to some domestic mal-administration, forgetfulness, or whatever. Anyway I therefore feel it time to break my silence on election issues as you, my readers, will have to get out and vote for me!

We appear to live in a world not dissimilar to Kenneth Grahame’s Wind in the Willows, and like Toad we have allowed the Great Hall to become over-run with Rats. The Rats are not much good at anything short of drinking our wine and spending our money (much of it on their own personal remuneration). I could go on like a Daily Telegraph or Spectator columnist about the inadequacies of their actions on Iraq (King Rat), Rover and Railtrack (Byers Rat), Immigration (Blunkett Rat), Pension Fund Raids (Brown Rat), etc., etc. I could mention Ruth Kelly, Peter Mandelson, Alastair Campbell, or the hairy one – Charles Clarke – and don’t get me going on the other women in the last Cabinet.

I think that giving the Rats another term of office would spell absolute disaster to the country. Everyone knows that there is global economic turbulence coming into view (otherwise, why call an election 15 months early when you already have a thumping majority). We don’t want more government by overpaid, overindulged MPs and bureaucrats. We do want a caring government, a socially-aware government, an astute and responsible government. The only way we’ll get it is by voting the present holders out. So vote Liberal, vote SNP, vote UKIP or Kilroy Silk, vote Tory, but don’t vote Rat. We need a parliament that has an in-built safety mechanism. The only way to get one is to get a coalition of some sort, and therefore gentle readers, please vote tactically.

The daughter (bless her) lives next door to a weasel. He owns three cars, a baseball hat, and lives off Income Support. He, like the millions of newly appointed bureaucrats in the Public Sector (as opposed to nurses, policemen, etc.), will be voting Rat. "Votez Non, et Votez Souvent" as they say in another place!