Alternative Employment

With mail order bookselling deep in the doldrums it is time to consider other ways of earning a living.

Becoming a politician would be nice - £56,000 for six months ranting and politicizing, and massive expense allowances. But I’m really the wrong gender. The big jobs in politics tend to go to the girls. Tessa Jowell was given a throne to sit on at the Test Match in Mumbai this morning – and I bet she didn’t fly out economy class. Ruth Kelly has claimed so much in expenses this year that she has virtually covered the cost of her constituency home purchased in 2001 (on top of her £134,000 salary). I’d love the money, but would feel that I was being less than honest with the taxpayer.

Not being strong in anything that demands sporting prowess I don’t feel that I’d get very far as a professional footballer. My rugby playing days are also long passed. But what about becoming a referee? Now I have the judgmental integrity to do the job but the eyesight isn’t what it used to be. This impediment never seems to stop partially-sighted people getting jobs as line judges at Wimbledon, and certainly the efforts of referee Mike Dean at yesterday evening’s Fulham-Chelsea match indicate that it doesn’t matter if you (and the linesman) completely fail to see a Chelsea player’s misdemeanour prior to scoring a goal. Eleven angry Fulham players quickly jostled round Mr Dean to complain and stayed there until he reversed his decision to award a goal (no wonder there was a pitch invasion afterwards).

While watching the Six Nations rugby it was also interesting to note that a decision is never final. Repeated delays while TV replays are studied make one wonder if a referee can ever be qualified to award a try. The linesmen also behave strangely. In the old days when a linesman raised his flag to say the ball is out of play, then play stops and a lineout is awarded. On Saturday a linesman raised his flag, ran a few paces and, seeing that the errant player was running on to score a try, he then lowered it again – as if to say “maybe it was, but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt”. I could do that.

Chef? Hairdresser? Car Wash Attendant? Traffic Warden? All too confusing. Maybe I’d better stick with books.