“What does irascible mean?” asked the long-suffering wife yesterday evening. Twenty-four hours later I was able to give a fine example of irascibility – showing an evil streak of temper when at a quarter to eight there was no sign of any supper. Welcome to the world of diet! For the past nine days I have foregone bread and potatoes. More important I have foregone life’s essentials such as booze and crisps. I have eaten fruit and vegetables a-plenty and taken more exercise than usual. I’m half a stone lighter and pretty miserable about it all.
There are a number of side effects to the diet. I feel cold all the time and tired most of the time. My table manners have disappeared and whenever food is put in front of me I tend to wolf it down, somewhat like a large mongrel dog anxious to clean the plate quickly before another dog turns up to challenge for it.
Anyway the experts will say that I am doing it all wrong and that by cutting back so severely the régime will surely fail. However I am keeping up my intake of liquorice allsorts and I am trying to eat lots of things that are good for me. I actually quite like the Special K in the morning and have discovered thin rusk-things called Finn Crisp which are not unpleasant. Being hungry also makes one appreciate fruit and vegetables more, so maybe there is hope after all. By next week’s report I’m sure I’ll be back on the booze, but hopefully “in moderation” and proceeding towards the first of my targets (a measly sixteen-and-a-half stone) and the reward of a new laptop.
